Not too long ago, Jen and I talked about mantras for one of our T2C posts. My amazing experience today prompted me to revisit the topic, as I want to share this story with you. It’s long, but if you read the whole thing, I hope you’ll be inspired by its power.

Let’s start with yesterday: it sucked. By the time I got home, I felt like I could win a Bad Day Contest with Alexander by a landslide. I don’t want to dwell on it, but the long and short of it is that some problematic students crossed the line, and I had to deal with the fall-out/ego-bruising of realizing that some of my students, no matter how much I try to approach them with love, were intent on acting out.

By the time I woke up this morning after a night of fitful dreams, I woke up in a FUNK. If yesterday had me feeling like Alexander, today had me feeling like Peggy Ann McKay–without the relief of it really being Saturday morning. (Not that it matters–I work then, too.) Yesterday felt like a kick in the teeth, so I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it through my 12-hour day with my heart intact. (It’s possible I put way too much of myself into teaching, but for the many kids who give just as much, it’s worth it.) As we walked to school, I was quite the grumpy bugger. I felt sad and dejected. And I know that an attitude like that zaps the precious energy needed to for these long summer days.

So I did the only thing I could think of: I mantra-ed my way right out of it. This does not always work for me, but today, there was nothing to lose. On our walk, throughout my classes, and even when I went to the bathroom, I would repeat in my head:

Today is a great day, and I approach my students with love. Today is a great day, and I approach my students with love.

My first two classes went well, as usual. Then I had private lessons with two of my favorite students, and they both arrived with such artful work, I was almost left speechless.  And yet, I couldn’t help but feel that negative voice sneak up: “Your morning classes are almost always good, and these students are always great. Just wait until this afternoon when you have the difficult kids. Then you’ll see.”

Today is a great day, and I approach my students with love. Today is a great day, and I approach my students with love.

This is an old photo--the space has filled up with even more love.

I sat at my desk to finish prepping the afternoon class, and I looked up at everything I’d taped against the wall of my carrel. I saw the Elizabeth Bishop poem my dear friend sent me years ago. I saw a picture of my perfect little niece five years ago. I saw the photo from my sister’s wedding, our newly expanded family standing on the beach. I saw the card another friend had given me with a beautiful sculpture of the Buddha of compassion. I saw a love note Michael had scrawled me and I saw pictures of my parents–one from when they announced their engagement, and one of them looking just as in love when I was a little girl. I saw a picture of my grandmother, standing happily on the ferry, one of her favorite things. I saw a post card I bought of the Buddha at Todaiji from the first real vacation Michael and I took together.

And I saw my mantra sticky-note: Ham Sa. I am that.

Giant Buddha at the temple near our house.

With all I had in front of me, how could I be anger? How could I not be busting with love? I thought about this as I made yet another visit to the can (I drink a lot of water when I teach), and that, of course, is when I finally had the awakening I’ve been waiting for for years.

If you don’t learn how to let go of your anger, the Universe will keep giving you opportunities to learn this lesson. Just let it go.

What?! Yes, this is a thought I’ve had countless times. One that I kept trying to internalize, but never really stuck. It’s something I knew, but never lived. And just like that, sometime between unzipping my jeans and pulling them back up, the anger was gone. Flushed right down the toilet.

The beautiful thing is, it wasn’t just this anger. Not just the anger from these students and their reprehensible behavior. Other anger, anger I’ve been carrying around for years, seemed to lift. Deep anger, hurt anger, anger I’ve wanted to let go of, but was somehow too afraid.

So tonight, despite the work I still have to do, despite my tired feet and thousands of miles between me and most of my loved ones, I’m feeling free.

Final Score

Mantas: 1,      Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day: 0

Have mantras ever helped you in a way beyond what you anticipated? If you haven’t tried mantras yet, why not? I’d love to hear your stories.