In less than two weeks, my handsome fella and I will be scoping out apartments in San Diego to prepare for our October 1st move.

You know what else is awesome?

My pal Valerie, the mastermind behind City | Life | Eats (which, if you aren’t already reading for amazing ideas of what a gluten-free high-vegan diet can pack for lunch, you’re missing out!) is hosting an amazing giveaway right now. She’s offering one reader a ticket to the Take Back Your Health Conference in Washington, D.C.

Know what’s less awesome?

I’ll be in San Diego, so I can’t go! The conference is October 22-23*, and we’ll already be in San Diego. So I figured I’d go ahead and tell you about it so you could win the ticket in my place. (I admit it: if I had a chance at winning this giveaway and attending this conference, I’d probably keep it to myself.)

But you can go! If you aren’t one of the lucky folks attending Marie Forleo’s Rich Happy & Hot Live (seriously–how much awesomeness is happening the weekend of October 22-23?), you can be one of the lucky folks attending the Take Back Your Health Conference. Just pop over to City | Life | Eats and enter the giveaway.

Wedding photo--just because I feel like it. (Who knew an aquarium cafeteria could look so good?!)

*October 23rd just happens to be my one-year anniversary, so I’ll be sipping wine and camping in beautiful Southern California with the aforementioned handsome fella. I may not be attending an amazing east coast conference, but I think I’ll make out just fine, eh?

While I’m processing what’s happening now, I though I’d share some pictures of what happened 2.5 months ago: our wedding photos. The easiest way to view everything is to click here* (click the thumbnails to enlarge), but I’ve pasted a few faves below. I hope you enjoy!

There were so many amazing moments–and people–that made up our wedding celebration, I hope you click through to get a sense of what the day was like. I’ve left the above pictures without captions because, well, I think they speak for themselves. And golly isn’t my husband handsome?!

—-

With further thought, maybe the cake needs a little explanation. Lots of couples have a song; we have a poem:

The Red Wheelbarrow

by William Carlos Williams

so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens.

That poem (discussed and recited on our first date) is when I knew I’d marry Michael. The wonderful Becca Bryan, who did so much to help us create our wedding, also painted our wheelbarrow and hand-crafted those little chickens.

Also, just in case it’s not clear in the photo–we’re busting out a tango for a our first dance. [Those lessons were probably the most entertaining part of the pre-wedding hoopla.]

*For some reason, the photos loaded a bit out of order when I posted them, and it just wasn’t worth it to go back and diagnose, then fix, the problem. Sorry!

My parents just celebrated thirty-five years of marriage. Thirty. Five. Years. Michael and I have been married for a little over thirty-five days. Not surprisingly, they have shared some great advice with my siblings and me over the years, and I thought I’d pass along some of my favorites.

• “Don’t get married until you absolutely have to.” Sounds romantic, I know. What my dad was getting at, I believe, is that you shouldn’t vow to spend your life with someone just because you’ve been together for a few years and it seems like the next step. Get married because you can’t stand the thought of not sharing your life with this person. [This isn't to say that everyone has to get married to be in a committed relationship, of course, but marriage is the right choice for me.]
• “Your husband is still your boyfriend.” OK, now we’re getting some romance. I love this line. Thirty-five years, three kids, and two grandkids later, my parents still get dressed up for each other and send each other gifts.
• “Love is a verb.” I’ve heard this maxim elsewhere, but that doesn’t make it any less true. It’s all well and good to feel love for your partner, but if you really want to nurture your relationship, you have to love (verb) him/her. This can mean sneaking love notes into your partner’s wallet, or biting your tongue when you disagree about how to load the car, or just saying a sincere Thank You when your partner makes the bed because he knows it makes you happy. (Or making the bed because you know it makes your sweetheart happy.)
• “Treat your marriage like a baby.” This was one of the central themes in my mom’s (beautiful) speech at our rehearsal dinner. I have a precious 7-month-old nephew, and would do just about anything to make sure he was safe. If anyone came near him who seemed even a bit threatening or untrustworthy, I’d be sure to protect the little guy. If I had the choice between doing something a bit selfish that could put him in harm’s way, there’s no way I’d do it. Marriages are precious things that need to be protected and nurtured. Like a baby.

What about you? Any words of wisdom when it comes to relationships?

My new husband, and my new expanded family.

A picture of my family at the beach three years ago.

The family I’ve grown up with.

This might be only picture from my bachelorette party I will ever release. Yup--singing karaoke with my mom and mom-in-law.

The amazing people around the world I share friendships with.

Farm Sanctuary does beautiful and important work.

Being pescatarian, and the amazing joy I now feel when I look at animals. (I’ve always loved animals, but it’s evolved since I quit eating meat. More on this another day.

Velma, the turkey we adopted in honor of the holiday. Please consider adopting a turkey or making a similar donation as we give thanks for our joy, our freedom, and our right to live.

My yoga practice, even if I’ve been neglecting it.

My passport, which ties me to this amazing country, and gives me the freedom to see the world.

Books, the beauty of words, and the fact that I was raised in a family–and country–that values education and literacy.

Bicycles, kayaks, and hiking shoes. Anything that gets me out into nature and doesn’t require a motor.

At Fenway with my friend (and officiant) Scott.

Lastly–the Red Sox, even if they blew it last season.

The holy VitaMix

• regular green smoothies, chock full of vitamins, enzymes, and EFAs
• making sleep my top priority (aside from getting my work done)
• knowing the ropes, which greatly reduced stress (speaking of which: make sure you don’t miss tomorrow’s post)
• spending the months leading up to the summer making sure my body was in a peak healthy state
• approaching my work with love, even when that was really, really hard
• dry brushing!

Typically, when I come out of some similarly intense period, my body crashes, and crashes hard, unleashing all the illness and stress that I was harboring in every fiber. Thankfully, all my planning and strategy this past month has really paid off, and I don’t feel there is anything lurking (knock on wood!), waiting to rear its ugly head.

That said, I’m still taking care to ease out of this intensity. My former self would have pushed, and pushed, and pushed. But where would that get me? Sick and burned out and no fun at all. So this time, I’m making a conscious effort to–wait for it–honor my body and give it the rest it needs.  This may not be earth-shattering to you, but believe me, this is a whole new ball game for Miss Type A Squared.

Now that this insanity is over, I hope to post all the things I’ve been thinking about these past few weeks. But I’m going to take my time with it, rather than push to meet some arbitrary, self-imposed deadline no one cares about.

How do you plan to rest today? My friend Tina just shared this quote with me, and I urge you all to take it to heart–and take care!

Before you spend all day doing everything, spend five minutes doing nothing.

We finally got to take a proper date this weekend. This is a risotto-and-wine-fueled gaze session. (I insisted on a photo as proof that we actually had a moment or two of relaxation this summer. And that I finally managed to put on eye makeup and not screw it up--only took a decade, folks!)

I have been actively cultivating love and joy in my life (more on that later, but Love Lists are a fantastic place to start), and holy smokes has this been successful! As I sit here at 12:30 in the morning, prepping the SAT and ACT after editing a slew of essays and teaching for 13 hours, this lovely little thought floated into my head:

My life is more bountiful and full of love than I ever imagined possible.

What a powerful little snippet to dance its way through my consciousness! Lately I have been struck by just how good life is to me, and I am embracing every little morsel of gratitude I can.

Now time to turn that blissed out little mind of mine back to some standardized tests. The answer is C. Definitely C.

Let’s start with yesterday: it sucked. By the time I got home, I felt like I could win a Bad Day Contest with Alexander by a landslide. I don’t want to dwell on it, but the long and short of it is that some problematic students crossed the line, and I had to deal with the fall-out/ego-bruising of realizing that some of my students, no matter how much I try to approach them with love, were intent on acting out.

By the time I woke up this morning after a night of fitful dreams, I woke up in a FUNK. If yesterday had me feeling like Alexander, today had me feeling like Peggy Ann McKay–without the relief of it really being Saturday morning. (Not that it matters–I work then, too.) Yesterday felt like a kick in the teeth, so I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it through my 12-hour day with my heart intact. (It’s possible I put way too much of myself into teaching, but for the many kids who give just as much, it’s worth it.) As we walked to school, I was quite the grumpy bugger. I felt sad and dejected. And I know that an attitude like that zaps the precious energy needed to for these long summer days.

So I did the only thing I could think of: I mantra-ed my way right out of it. This does not always work for me, but today, there was nothing to lose. On our walk, throughout my classes, and even when I went to the bathroom, I would repeat in my head:

Today is a great day, and I approach my students with love. Today is a great day, and I approach my students with love.

My first two classes went well, as usual. Then I had private lessons with two of my favorite students, and they both arrived with such artful work, I was almost left speechless.  And yet, I couldn’t help but feel that negative voice sneak up: “Your morning classes are almost always good, and these students are always great. Just wait until this afternoon when you have the difficult kids. Then you’ll see.”

Today is a great day, and I approach my students with love. Today is a great day, and I approach my students with love.

This is an old photo--the space has filled up with even more love.

I sat at my desk to finish prepping the afternoon class, and I looked up at everything I’d taped against the wall of my carrel. I saw the Elizabeth Bishop poem my dear friend sent me years ago. I saw a picture of my perfect little niece five years ago. I saw the photo from my sister’s wedding, our newly expanded family standing on the beach. I saw the card another friend had given me with a beautiful sculpture of the Buddha of compassion. I saw a love note Michael had scrawled me and I saw pictures of my parents–one from when they announced their engagement, and one of them looking just as in love when I was a little girl. I saw a picture of my grandmother, standing happily on the ferry, one of her favorite things. I saw a post card I bought of the Buddha at Todaiji from the first real vacation Michael and I took together.

And I saw my mantra sticky-note: Ham Sa. I am that.

Giant Buddha at the temple near our house.

With all I had in front of me, how could I be anger? How could I not be busting with love? I thought about this as I made yet another visit to the can (I drink a lot of water when I teach), and that, of course, is when I finally had the awakening I’ve been waiting for for years.

If you don’t learn how to let go of your anger, the Universe will keep giving you opportunities to learn this lesson. Just let it go.

What?! Yes, this is a thought I’ve had countless times. One that I kept trying to internalize, but never really stuck. It’s something I knew, but never lived. And just like that, sometime between unzipping my jeans and pulling them back up, the anger was gone. Flushed right down the toilet.

The beautiful thing is, it wasn’t just this anger. Not just the anger from these students and their reprehensible behavior. Other anger, anger I’ve been carrying around for years, seemed to lift. Deep anger, hurt anger, anger I’ve wanted to let go of, but was somehow too afraid.

So tonight, despite the work I still have to do, despite my tired feet and thousands of miles between me and most of my loved ones, I’m feeling free.

Final Score

Mantas: 1,      Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day: 0

Have mantras ever helped you in a way beyond what you anticipated? If you haven’t tried mantras yet, why not? I’d love to hear your stories.

(I also published this over at We’re Gettin’ Hitched!)

Our love story didn’t start with the proposal–it started with our very first date, which I’m sure I’ll recount later–but I think it’s a great story, and a good place to start this website.

As background, for those of you who don’t know, I was sure after our first date that Michael was The One. (The punk took twice as long.) I’m also the product of an incredibly loving marriage going 35 years strong…that got engaged after three weeks. My sister and her wonderful husband took four months before they were betrothed. This means it took a certain level of patience (or, at least, the appearance of patience) on my part before Michael popped the question after a whopping fifteen months. Yes, yes, I know–that’s really quick by most people’s standards.

When we headed back to the States for a visit in honor of my nephew’s birth, I was hoping to high heaven that Michael would pop the question, but kept telling myself it would be fine if he didn’t. After a few weeks Stateside without a proposal, I was trying to convince myself that really, this was fine. We were already living together, madly in love, and building a life together. The rest was just details. Right?

Forever the optimist (or stubborn girl, take your pick), I told myself that if he was going to propose on this trip, it would be at his favorite place in the States: the steps of the Jefferson Memorial, at night. Convenient, seeing as we were going to be in D.C. for a week. We hung out with his dad, we went to the Air and Space Museum, we went out to dinner with family and friends. On a Wednesday, we woke up and it was absolutely beautiful, so we decided to head down to the Tidal Basin to see the Cherry Blossoms–a first for me.

I admit: I looked at his pockets to see if there was a ring-box-shaped bulge. There wasn’t. That’s fine, seeing as the proposal was coming the next night, anyway. As we walked around, I was in absolute awe of the beauty around us.

We navigated the throngs of people, stopping for the occasional photo op. We walked through Georgetown, passed the Kennedy Center, spotted one of the cutest older couples in history, and saw more than one cute baby near the Tidal Basin. We made our way over to the Jefferson Memorial (remember: Michael’s favorite place…at night. And there was no ring box bulge in his pocket). We sat on a bench inside, then went out to the steps and looked at the view. At this point, Michael insists I had a hopeful, mildly expectant look on my face. I like to disagree, but, well, I’ll admit it’s possible. After a few minutes (I wanted to give him time, in case this was The Moment), I suggested we mosey along, and he agreed.

Michael pointed out the paddle boats on the basin and mentioned that might be fun. I, ever the pragmatist (except when I’m not) said sure, that’d be fun, but not if the line was ridiculous or it was $30. Fortunately, the line seemed manageable, and it was only $10. We started chatting with a family in front of us: a mom and her three t(w)eens. By the time we made it to the front–a whopping forty-five minutes later–we were joking and I offered to take one of the kids on our boat. We grabbed our life jackets, and I insisted on taking a few “We look awesome in our life jackets!” photos. Behold.

With our jackets tied tight and our ticket for the boat, we climbed in and started paddling out. After about fifteen minutes, Michael suggested we just coast. I agreed. Then he reached into his pocket and said,

I got you something.

And slid over a little box I’d previously given him a gift in. I opened it, hesitantly, and peeked inside. Oh boy. That looked like a ring. I looked up at Michael with a big ol’ “Whaaaaa?!” face.

He proceeded to utter some of the sweetest words imaginable, the details of which I can’t remember. The important part is, it ended with Michael asking me to be his wife. Of course, I said YES!

Here’s the thing: we were in a paddle boat. In life preservers. Do you have any idea how hard it is to kiss and hug your newly minted fiance when you’re in a life preserver in a paddle boat?! Additionally, you absolutely cannot jump up and down with excitement. Fortunately, with a little maneuvering, you can sneak a smooch and grab a photo or two like this:

As soon as we got off the boat, I grabbed him for a proper smooch and a bear hug, and then we started calling our families. For the record–everyone knew! My darling man had tried like the dickens to get me the perfect ring–he aced it!–which required asking pretty much everyone in my inner circle. Fortunately, they are ace secret keepers, and I was absolutely stunned when he did pop the question.

We finished the day with a quick visit with his wonderful mom (can I just say how happy I am that I love my future MIL?) and then dinner and drinks with his dad (ditto for the FIL!).

Ronan

with big sister

Congratulations and thank you to my big sister and her wonderful husband for expanding their awesome family.

• Visit all seven continents. This has been a goal for quite a while, and I’m slowly chipping away at it. Three down, four to go. My ever-impressive fella has already done this, and fortunately doesn’t mind repeating the experience. In fact, this little factoid is one of the reasons I met him in the first place.

One of Michael's Antarctica pictures. Apparently you get a sunset like this once every five years. Lucky Duck.

• Bike across the United States. I love the idea of really getting to see my home country in an intimate way, all while doing one of my favorite things (riding my bike) and staying green. Fortunately, my travel nut co-conspirator also likes the idea.

• Hike the Appalachian Trail. Pretty much the same reasoning as above, but this time doing one of my other favorite things–hiking.

• Become a certified yoga teacher. It’s not time yet. I need to develop a more regular personal practice, but it’s always in the back of my mind. Vinyasa and Sivananda seem like the biggest draws at the moment.

This is one of my favorite yoga photos, and actually doubles as my computer desktop.

• Live somewhere that allows me to indulge in my four favorite physical activities: yoga, hiking, kayaking, and cycling. This can’t be surprising given the above three items. Fortunately, there are plenty of places in the greater Northeast (where my wonderful family lives) that accommodate this wish list.

Here I am kayaking just down the street from my parents' house.

• Spend more time with my amazing family. The hardest part about living in Korea is not being able to snuggle my niece, watch movies with my brother, have girl talk with my sister, and cook dinner with my parents. Skype helps, and I get on a plane in less than two weeks to visit them all, but when I settle down, I need to be within driving distance.

It's an old photo, so Michael wasn't around yet, but there's my beautiful family.

• Get my license. For which, I need my license. Yes, I’m nearly 26, a full decade after most of my friends got the keys to the car, and I’ve never had a license. Seeing as I’m planning to move in with Mom and Dad (briefly) in September, this will be happening then. My family might throttle me if it doesn’t.

• Publish a book. Not a novel. That’s Michael’s domain, and anything I did would be…awful. I’m not a fiction writer. But a collection of poems or essays would leave me tickled pink.

• Live in a sustainable, off-the-grid house with an aquaponic garden. This is a huge one. If it’s not totally off the grid, then ok, but I want solar power, rain water tanks, a green roof…you get the picture. It doesn’t have to happen all at once, but it will be something we work towards when we do settle down. We also recently saw this piece about an aquaponic garden, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Hello local food! Fortunately, the rest of my family has greener thumbs than I do, and I think I might be able to talk them into helping. (Mom runs a brilliant landscape design/install company, big brother is earning his degree in Landscape Architecture, and my sister is a certified horticultural therapist.)

Photo: Rob Torcellini, New York Times

• Have a family. I found the right man (lucky me!), and when the time is right–which will be oh-so-very far in the future, we’d love to have a few runts running around. We hope we can have our own, but play with the idea of adopting a child as well. Fortunately, I have many years before I have to start thinking about that seriously.

Awesome fella? Check!

• Send my kids to an eco-conscious, play-centric school. Again, this is at least a decade away, but we want our children to attend a school that reflects our values. Learning is more than memorization (oh Korea, will you please listen to that?), and we want our (non-existent) kids to respect the earth and enjoy life. I’ve linked to these before, but this piece about an outdoor school and this one about the importance of play in education have really made an impact.

Photo: Nathaniel Brooks, New York Times

• Become fluent in at least one language other than English. I’ve got high school French, decent Italian (though it definitely needs work), and a handful of words and phrases in a bunch of other languages, but no fluency. Yet.

• Earn my masters in post-colonial literature…at The University of Edinburgh. I love words. I want my career to be about words. And I would love to spend time back in school talking about words. The University of Edinburgh has a program that sounds wonderful, in a location both Michael and I would love to live. If anyone has any strings to pull to guarantee admission…go ahead.

• Live as green a life as possible. This connects to diet (which is increasingly vegan based), home, and basic living habits. I increasingly try to buy from sustainable and independent retailers, as well as more and more used items. I want my kids and grandkids to have a wonderful planet, and it has to start with me. As the old Native American proverb goes, We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children.

Thanks for reading this massive post! I’d love to hear about your dreams–small, big, or bigger.

(Please note, for all photos that are not my own, credit info can be found by clipping on the image. If I have used your photo and you would like it removed, please email me or leave a comment, and I will immediately make the change.)